Church and the Single Woman

Believe it or not, if you’re a single woman older than 25, church is probably one of the best places to be. And no, it’s not because ‘JESUS is the only man I’ll ever need in my life’. If we’re being honest with ourselves, that’s what all single women tell themselves when the loneliness kicks in and the pickings of men are too slim to even try to figure out. But being a single woman in church is an incredible thing. The amount of knowledge you can absorb from sitting there every Sunday is abundant. You can learn how to cope with your loneliness, fellowship with other single women who could in turn become your closest confidants, and not to mention continue to build your relationship with GOD. The bible says, “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.” (Proverbs 18:22). But she who finds a husband….(insert the sound of crickets). What does the bible say about the woman who finds a husband…absolutely nothing? The reason behind this is because traditionally the woman is NOT supposed to find a husband. GOD gives it to the man to find you….SO STOP LOOKING AND KEEP PRAYING!!! I’ve learned a few things from being a single woman in the church. Allow me to share.

1)       Church is a great place for a single woman to find a single man…but tread lightly. You sometimes hear the older generation say, “If you want to find yourself a good man, you should go to church.” Well I respect and love my elders just as much as you, but let’s be truthful, the answer to any problem with them is “you should go to church”. And while the good men go to church MAY be true, you have to be careful finding and/or dating a man at the same church. Let’s run through a scenario: you’re in your Sunday’s best when a cute guy takes that stroll to the alter to join the church. You INSTANTLY focus your eyes to his ring finger to notice its empty! After church, you cordially introduce yourselves to each other, and exchange numbers to become “friends” for the sake and love of the LORD (another story we tell ourselves). Well time goes by, your friendship has grown into courtship, which may develop into something more. But for some reason, things don’t work out, and it ends on a sour note. That’s where things hit a brick wall. Do you a) continue to go to this church with your now ex and be reminded of the relationship that you had or b) do you find a new place of worship or worst, encourage that person to find another place. If you’re like me, finding another place of worship is not an option. I love MY church. For this reason, and this reason alone…TREAD LIGHTLY ON THE FINDING A MAN IN CHURCH!

2)      Enjoying the company of a man is no longer a requirement or necessary, but a choice. Because of my time in church, I’ve learned to cope with my loneliness, and how to focus that “gotta find and/or have a man” energy in other places.

3)      Praying for GOD to send you a husband is just like praying for GOD to let you win the lottery. The odds are normally not in your favor. What we should pray for instead is for GOD to renew the strength in us to be alone and cope with our loneliness, to keep our hearts and our minds open, and for us to continue to focus on him. How do we expect GOD to send a man just for us, when we don’t even know who “we” are. Take the time as a single woman to discover who you are, the purpose GOD created for you, and to acknowledge your worth. Women we are ROYALTY. Let’s start acting like it if we want to be treated like it.

Being single does not make you any less of a woman. At 27, I’ve learned that all the women I’ve looked up to my entire life, with the exception of less than a handful, are and have been single. But the love that they have for themselves is undeniable and inspiring. Just watching them and how they’ve grown in GOD is enough assurance for me to know that I’m going to be just fine. Will I ever get married, I don’t know. That’s up to GOD. If and when he decides to send me a husband I will know that it is the best thing for me. Until then, being single is not a bad thing or an ugly word, but by me being single in the church, I have power over my life…and my choice to be single.

Living Life in the Grey (Gray)

Wow. I hadn't written anything for this in almost a year. A lot has happened in a year. Things I really don't care to discuss at the present moment, but hey, I'll tell ya about it later.

Today, I'm most interesting in talking about separating fact from fiction. For the past seven (yes seven) days, I've been engrossed into the lives of Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey, the main characters of the New York Times bestsellers Fifty Shades of Grey, Fifty Shades Darker, and Fifty Shades Freed. This trilogy of books literally jumped off the pages and into my soul. Yes, that does sound extreme, but anytime I finish a book and get sad that I don't have more to read means, I'm in too deep. What made me fall in love with this book is Christian Grey, Mr. Fifty himself. Of course the book describes him as hot, and very sexy, but I think the fact that he's "fifty shades of fucked up" is what turns me on to him. I would love to tell you more about him and his fifty shades, but you might want to read for yourself, and well, I'll just be ruining it. I got so attached to these three books, that whenever I told people about them, I immediately regretted it. I felt like I was sharing the man in the book with women, I didn't want to know him. Sounds a little psychotic huh? I plead the fifth. It took a friggin someecard to slap me in the face:

Well, hell. I know he's not real, but it feels like it to me. LOL! This made me think, am I this clueless when it comes to the relationships I put myself in. Am I so busy seeing my "Christian Grey" that I miss the asshole/liar/inconsiderate prick that I'm really dating? After recently being single, I've sat back and thought long and hard about this. I've finally come to terms with REALITY and I'm allowing myself to see what's really there. But first, I've got to search me. I've got to make sure that the me that I'm turning out to be is the me that I'm proud of and my daughter can be proud of. So since we know the world is not black and white, and neither is love...I'll continue to live in the GREY!

A New One

First and foremost, happy new year! I can't believe it's 2011 already, where did the time go???

As I write my first entry of the new year, I'm a proud mother of a 2 week old baby girl, Rylee McKenzie Greer! And let me tell you something about being a mother; although I'm brand spankin' new at it, it is a challenge. I've found myself completely wrapped up in my daughter. Nothing else matters to me. People have already started asking me if I plan to have another, and the answer to that question at this very moment is, NO!!! My mom says I'm just saying that because it's so early, but I'm not sure I'm just saying it. I believe deep in my heart, that more children are not in my future. The physical pain that I endured to bring my daughter into this world, was nothing compared to the emotional rollercoaster I was on for 9 months. Heck, I'm still on it. I can't seem to get off. I walk around so numb at times not feeling anything for anybody, but Rylee. My diet has changed dramatically, in a sense that I'm not eating most days. I'm tired beyond measure, but the thing that's changed the most is my relationship with my boy.

UGH!!! I really don't like him...AT ALL!!! Don't get me wrong, I love him. He's part of the reason I have my little lady bug. But I feel like he's suffocating us (not only him, but his family too). I was ready to give up on this relationship very recently, but due to the fact that I can't think of myself when making these decisions, I decided to bite the bullet. I hate the fact that the only reason I'm still here is because, my daughter deserves something I never had, a father in her life. She deserves to have her dad around all the time, not just when it's convenient for him. And as much as I want that for her, I want my own sense of happiness as well. And at this very moment, I don't find that happiness here with him. My sister and my mom have both offered the same advice, seek GOD and ask him to guide your steps. And I do that, I pray and ask the LORD to keep me from making the wrong decision and for peace of mind. I know that in time he will reveal to me exactly what it is I'm to do in this situation, so for now, I remain patient...and unhappy.

Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone

It's dark in this room, nothing but the sun shining through the blinds. But the darkness in this room can't compare to the darkness I feel right now. The weather man says no sign of showers, yet I'm dripping wet in tears. The storm cloud above my head extends its arm for comfort, but only leaves me sinking further into my own misery. "It's going to be okay", "She's in a better place", "Just be happy that there's no more pain for her", "Let me know if there is anything I can do", is what everyone is telling me. But what about me? WILL I BE OKAY? WHERE CAN I GO TO BE IN A BETTER PLACE THAN HERE? WHAT ABOUT THE PAIN I FEEL? CAN YOU BRING HER BACK? I really want to be angry with GOD for taking her from me, but how can you be mad at the man responsible for creating the beautiful things in life. As I type, I can't help but glance at my stomach from time to time as my daughter (who is 52 days away from being born) kicks me with such a fury that it makes me forget my pain for a milli-second. Every time I feel her kick, I'm reminded that she's going to get me through this. The only thing I can find comfort in, is knowing that she's here with me. And through her, my Pearl, will be with me too.

25 years old, and still not used to death. Even after experiencing my brother's sudden death, I believed that she would out live us all. No matter how sick she got, the doctors would make her better. She was my Superwoman: invincible to everything that man had to throw against her, because GOD was keeping her here for us. But as selfish as we've been, it stopped being about us, and for the first time, it began being about her. The last few years, had put Superwoman out of commission. She couldn't leap over tall buildings in a single bound anymore. It would take her a few tries first. She couldn't change in the phonebooth in a flash anymore. She needed a little help getting her stockings on. But the one thing she never stopped doing; flying! She never EVER stopped flying! Although her body couldn't do all the things she was used to doing, her spirit was always on high. Making it easier for everyone who came in contact with her to love her. I'll never forget the way she would sing so randomly, her child like laugh that was infectious, the way she would crack jokes on people with all the love in the world behind them, and her smile! She had a wonderful smile. (Which is probably where our family's obsession with teeth came from.)

Pearline Walker, Pearl, my precious gem. Life is going to be so different without you here. We're all in so much pain right now, but we know that this pain isn't going to last. The one thing that I'm never going to get over is the fact that you're not going to be here to give Rylee the best "sugar" in the world. I'm sorry you never got the chance to stick Rachel either. LOL! I love you so much Granny! Take care of Anthony for us. I'm pretty sure he's been a handful and no one can handle him like you can. I also know Uncle Jr and Aunt Bertha will be so happy to have you home with them. I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU MORE THAN WORDS CAN EXPRESS!!!

Change

I just realized I hadn't blogged in a good little minute.

Well alot has changed since my last blog. For starters I found out that I'll be giving birth to a baby girl on January 1st. I have to admit, when I first found out I was pregnant I cried then I threw up. LOL! I also thought something was wrong with me. It seemed like everyone around me was happy and/or excited by this news except me. I heard her heartbeat for the first time, nothing. Then we saw her for the first time, still, nothing. All I could think was that I was already a terrible mother, and she hadn't even come into the world yet. It wasn't until yesterday that I actually got excited about being a mommy. My boy has a way of making things seem better no matter how screwed up they truly are. I have so much that I still want to do with my life, and at first I thought having this baby was going to keep me from it. But now, she'll just be a part of the journey.

I guess me being pregnant has really opened my eyes to people and it's allowed me to see them for who they truly are. And from my observations, I have some really great people in my life. My friends have been wonderful! Especially all my guy friends. I have to admit, I'm actually feeling a little spoiled because of all the attention I'm getting, although I know it's for the baby. LOL! They all check on me everyday, asking me how I feel and stuff like that, and it makes me extremely happy to have people like them in my life. My family has also been wonderful. I mean it makes things easier that my sister is pregnant also (her due date is December 27 and mine is January 1). But the support that everyone has been giving me is amazing!

I'm grateful for wonderful, understanding friends and family. Without them, I'm not sure if I could do this.

I Love You Came Too Late

Death comes at the most random times. And when someone we knows (whether personally or through someone else) dies, we tend to take a look at the life we're currently living. Or at least, I do. We question are we living up to our full potential or are we sitting by idly watching life pass us by. Are we the best daughter/son/friend/cousin/etc we can be? As I sit here with an aching in my heart for my boyfriend and his family over their lost, I can't help but be thankful for the family and friends I have around me. Often times I don't express my love/gratitude properly, because for some reason I assume they'll always be there for me to say or show it to them later. But as GOD has proven to us time and time again, we are on borrowed time that doesn't belong to us. And at any minute, waiting to say I love you becomes not wanting to say goodbye.

For all of my friends, and family that read this, I want you to know that I do love you. I'm appreciative of everything you've ever done, said, or given me. Whether it was a funny joke, bought me anything, got on my LAST nerve or just was there to listen. I appreciate it. In honor of those we love and lost, tell somebody you love them today.

Bruh...It's Your Birthday

Man almost 8 or 9 years ago, this very random dude came into the lives of the students at Wooddale (Wooddale Class of 03 STAND UP!!! LOL! Nah, I'm just playin. Sit ya'll basic behinds down!)

Now keep in mind this is the story through my eyes! He looked like a deer caught in headlights to me. You could obviously tell he was the new kid on the block. But somehow, some way, we became friends. Like besties almost. We used to sit in Mrs. Seals class looking bored, then we'd go to Coach David's class and act a fool! Here we are in a COMPLETELY different lifetime (or so it seems) and we're celebrating Lil EJ's 25th birthday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AARON! I hope your day is filled with plenty of tig ol bitties, Mike and Ikes (the green box of course), blu-rays, and the #slowmix(hopefully you don't have to listen to it alone this time! HA!)

LOVE YOU LONG TIME BUDDY!