Church and the Single Woman

Believe it or not, if you’re a single woman older than 25, church is probably one of the best places to be. And no, it’s not because ‘JESUS is the only man I’ll ever need in my life’. If we’re being honest with ourselves, that’s what all single women tell themselves when the loneliness kicks in and the pickings of men are too slim to even try to figure out. But being a single woman in church is an incredible thing. The amount of knowledge you can absorb from sitting there every Sunday is abundant. You can learn how to cope with your loneliness, fellowship with other single women who could in turn become your closest confidants, and not to mention continue to build your relationship with GOD. The bible says, “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.” (Proverbs 18:22). But she who finds a husband….(insert the sound of crickets). What does the bible say about the woman who finds a husband…absolutely nothing? The reason behind this is because traditionally the woman is NOT supposed to find a husband. GOD gives it to the man to find you….SO STOP LOOKING AND KEEP PRAYING!!! I’ve learned a few things from being a single woman in the church. Allow me to share.

1)       Church is a great place for a single woman to find a single man…but tread lightly. You sometimes hear the older generation say, “If you want to find yourself a good man, you should go to church.” Well I respect and love my elders just as much as you, but let’s be truthful, the answer to any problem with them is “you should go to church”. And while the good men go to church MAY be true, you have to be careful finding and/or dating a man at the same church. Let’s run through a scenario: you’re in your Sunday’s best when a cute guy takes that stroll to the alter to join the church. You INSTANTLY focus your eyes to his ring finger to notice its empty! After church, you cordially introduce yourselves to each other, and exchange numbers to become “friends” for the sake and love of the LORD (another story we tell ourselves). Well time goes by, your friendship has grown into courtship, which may develop into something more. But for some reason, things don’t work out, and it ends on a sour note. That’s where things hit a brick wall. Do you a) continue to go to this church with your now ex and be reminded of the relationship that you had or b) do you find a new place of worship or worst, encourage that person to find another place. If you’re like me, finding another place of worship is not an option. I love MY church. For this reason, and this reason alone…TREAD LIGHTLY ON THE FINDING A MAN IN CHURCH!

2)      Enjoying the company of a man is no longer a requirement or necessary, but a choice. Because of my time in church, I’ve learned to cope with my loneliness, and how to focus that “gotta find and/or have a man” energy in other places.

3)      Praying for GOD to send you a husband is just like praying for GOD to let you win the lottery. The odds are normally not in your favor. What we should pray for instead is for GOD to renew the strength in us to be alone and cope with our loneliness, to keep our hearts and our minds open, and for us to continue to focus on him. How do we expect GOD to send a man just for us, when we don’t even know who “we” are. Take the time as a single woman to discover who you are, the purpose GOD created for you, and to acknowledge your worth. Women we are ROYALTY. Let’s start acting like it if we want to be treated like it.

Being single does not make you any less of a woman. At 27, I’ve learned that all the women I’ve looked up to my entire life, with the exception of less than a handful, are and have been single. But the love that they have for themselves is undeniable and inspiring. Just watching them and how they’ve grown in GOD is enough assurance for me to know that I’m going to be just fine. Will I ever get married, I don’t know. That’s up to GOD. If and when he decides to send me a husband I will know that it is the best thing for me. Until then, being single is not a bad thing or an ugly word, but by me being single in the church, I have power over my life…and my choice to be single.