It's dark in this room, nothing but the sun shining through the blinds. But the darkness in this room can't compare to the darkness I feel right now. The weather man says no sign of showers, yet I'm dripping wet in tears. The storm cloud above my head extends its arm for comfort, but only leaves me sinking further into my own misery. "It's going to be okay", "She's in a better place", "Just be happy that there's no more pain for her", "Let me know if there is anything I can do", is what everyone is telling me. But what about me? WILL I BE OKAY? WHERE CAN I GO TO BE IN A BETTER PLACE THAN HERE? WHAT ABOUT THE PAIN I FEEL? CAN YOU BRING HER BACK? I really want to be angry with GOD for taking her from me, but how can you be mad at the man responsible for creating the beautiful things in life. As I type, I can't help but glance at my stomach from time to time as my daughter (who is 52 days away from being born) kicks me with such a fury that it makes me forget my pain for a milli-second. Every time I feel her kick, I'm reminded that she's going to get me through this. The only thing I can find comfort in, is knowing that she's here with me. And through her, my Pearl, will be with me too.
25 years old, and still not used to death. Even after experiencing my brother's sudden death, I believed that she would out live us all. No matter how sick she got, the doctors would make her better. She was my Superwoman: invincible to everything that man had to throw against her, because GOD was keeping her here for us. But as selfish as we've been, it stopped being about us, and for the first time, it began being about her. The last few years, had put Superwoman out of commission. She couldn't leap over tall buildings in a single bound anymore. It would take her a few tries first. She couldn't change in the phonebooth in a flash anymore. She needed a little help getting her stockings on. But the one thing she never stopped doing; flying! She never EVER stopped flying! Although her body couldn't do all the things she was used to doing, her spirit was always on high. Making it easier for everyone who came in contact with her to love her. I'll never forget the way she would sing so randomly, her child like laugh that was infectious, the way she would crack jokes on people with all the love in the world behind them, and her smile! She had a wonderful smile. (Which is probably where our family's obsession with teeth came from.)
Pearline Walker, Pearl, my precious gem. Life is going to be so different without you here. We're all in so much pain right now, but we know that this pain isn't going to last. The one thing that I'm never going to get over is the fact that you're not going to be here to give Rylee the best "sugar" in the world. I'm sorry you never got the chance to stick Rachel either. LOL! I love you so much Granny! Take care of Anthony for us. I'm pretty sure he's been a handful and no one can handle him like you can. I also know Uncle Jr and Aunt Bertha will be so happy to have you home with them. I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU MORE THAN WORDS CAN EXPRESS!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment