Believe
it or not, if you’re a single woman older than 25, church is probably one of
the best places to be. And no, it’s not because ‘JESUS is the only man I’ll
ever need in my life’. If we’re being honest with ourselves, that’s what all
single women tell themselves when the loneliness kicks in and the pickings of
men are too slim to even try to figure out. But being a single woman in church
is an incredible thing. The amount of knowledge you can absorb from sitting
there every Sunday is abundant. You can learn how to cope with your loneliness,
fellowship with other single women who could in turn become your closest
confidants, and not to mention continue to build your relationship with GOD.
The bible says, “He who finds a wife finds what is
good and receives favor from the LORD.” (Proverbs 18:22). But she who finds a
husband….(insert the sound of crickets). What does the bible say about the
woman who finds a husband…absolutely nothing? The reason behind this is because
traditionally the woman is NOT supposed to find a husband. GOD gives it to the
man to find you….SO STOP LOOKING AND KEEP PRAYING!!! I’ve learned a few things
from being a single woman in the church. Allow me to share.
1)
Church
is a great place for a single woman to find a single man…but tread lightly. You
sometimes hear the older generation say, “If you want to find yourself a good
man, you should go to church.” Well I respect and love my elders just as much
as you, but let’s be truthful, the answer to any problem with them is “you
should go to church”. And while the good men go to church MAY be true, you have
to be careful finding and/or dating a man at the same church. Let’s run through
a scenario: you’re in your Sunday’s best when a cute guy takes that stroll to
the alter to join the church. You INSTANTLY focus your eyes to his ring finger
to notice its empty! After church, you cordially introduce yourselves to each
other, and exchange numbers to become “friends” for the sake and love of the
LORD (another story we tell ourselves). Well time goes by, your friendship has
grown into courtship, which may develop into something more. But for some
reason, things don’t work out, and it ends on a sour note. That’s where things
hit a brick wall. Do you a) continue to go to this church with your now ex and
be reminded of the relationship that you had or b) do you find a new place of
worship or worst, encourage that person to find another place. If you’re like
me, finding another place of worship is not an option. I love MY church. For
this reason, and this reason alone…TREAD LIGHTLY ON THE FINDING A MAN IN
CHURCH!
2)
Enjoying
the company of a man is no longer a requirement or necessary, but a choice.
Because of my time in church, I’ve learned to cope with my loneliness, and how to
focus that “gotta find and/or have a man” energy in other places.
3)
Praying
for GOD to send you a husband is just like praying for GOD to let you win the
lottery. The odds are normally not in your favor. What we should pray for
instead is for GOD to renew the strength in us to be alone and cope with our
loneliness, to keep our hearts and our minds open, and for us to continue to
focus on him. How do we expect GOD to send a man just for us, when we don’t
even know who “we” are. Take the time as a single woman to discover who you
are, the purpose GOD created for you, and to acknowledge your worth. Women we
are ROYALTY. Let’s start acting like it if we want to be treated like it.
Being
single does not make you any less of a woman. At 27, I’ve learned that all the
women I’ve looked up to my entire life, with the exception of less than a
handful, are and have been single. But the love that they have for themselves
is undeniable and inspiring. Just watching them and how they’ve grown in GOD is
enough assurance for me to know that I’m going to be just fine. Will I ever get
married, I don’t know. That’s up to GOD. If and when he decides to send me a
husband I will know that it is the best thing for me. Until then, being single
is not a bad thing or an ugly word, but by me being single in the church, I
have power over my life…and my choice to be single.
