True Religion (not the jeans)

I meant to write this yesterday, but just wasn't up to it. I've been thinking about this for a very long time and now I feel it's time to express myself. Religion....

I was raised in a Baptist church all of my life. When I was younger, my mom would always make sure I was in church; she wanted to make sure that I established a healthy relationship with GOD at a young age, so that the relationship later on in life. For most of my teenage years, I was a decent church-goer. I'm not going to say I would go every Sunday, but I was there. When I got into my senior year of high school is when it hit me...most people who go to church were NOT going for the same reason I was going. I won't name the church it was, but I attended a church with some friends in school, because honestly it made me more comfortable to go to church with my peers...since it seemed we all had the same ideas and beliefs. There was this one Sunday where the pastor was on a mission trip overseas. When I woke up that Sunday morning, I prepared myself for a WONDERFUL day of worship even though the head pastor was not there....WRONG! Keep in mind , this church is normally packed to capacity and people would almost fight to sit in the front seats. But this Sunday it was so quiet you could hear a mouse pee on the cotton part of a Q-Tip in a basement next to an old washer on the spin cycle! THERE WASN'T EVEN HALF OF THE CHURCH FILLED! So I'm like...whoa! Where is everybody, and why does everyone look like we're at a funeral? On the ride home, one of my friend's actually had the nerve to say, "Man, next time pastor leaves, I'm going with her. Church sucks when she's gone!" **PAUSE** I thought we came to church to fellowship with people who have the same beliefs as we do, and to hear GOD's word..no matter who is delivering it?

I stopped going to church on a regular basis after that Sunday, because things were slowly being revealed to me the longer I stayed there. This was in 2004. After I officially stopped going to church I made a vow that I would NOT go to church unless, GOD lead me to it. I will not go to church to sit around people I may or may not like, I will not go to a church where church stops because the pastor of choice isn't there, and I will not go to a church where I don't feel welcomed. After that, the next time I stepped foot inside a church was in 2006 for my brother's funeral(I'll probably mention the week of his last days on earth up until his funeral a lot. Some wounds never really heal.)Here it is the ending of 2009, and I haven't been back in a church. The reason I don't go now, is because I'm not sure what I really believe anymore.

I do know that, I've got to get closer to GOD. And everyday, I realize this just a little more. People think just because you don't go to church, you're not religious. Well to them I say, I know GOD...GOD knows me. And for a long time, that was good enough for me. But the older I get, the stronger I feel about this. I have something to offer this world, but I can show it to you, until GOD shows it to me. So I've done some self reflecting and came up with this answer. I'm going back to where I started from...and that's with GOD...so I can get to where I'm going.